Today marks the start of a new feature on the Lionel Show blog, everybody! Below please find today’s Sound Sheet, curated and written by one Juice Yuen. That’s right! Everybody’s favorite Sino-Gaelic sound engineer writes a daily sheet so full of pith and wit it’ll make your head spin! This document is a laundry list (sorry, Juice) of all the audio you need to hear.

SOUND CLIPS FOR THURSDAY, JULY 24, 2008

ASSHAT ALERT!

1. I’M PUTTING WORDS TOGETHER BUT I AM MAKING NO SENSE – BECK (:40)

Glenn Beck, perennial Asshat of the Year, was interviewed by Kiran Chetry on CNN’s American Morning and was asked why he thinks it was a bad decision for Obama to meet with Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas. If you never heard what cacca de torro sounds like, listen to this beaut!

2. THE PALESTINIANS ARE RUN BY HEZBOLLAH– BECK (:05)

To guarantee his victory in the Asshat of the Year competition, Beck mistakes Hamas for Hezbollah.

IRAN

3. BOMB, BOMB, BOMB… BOMB, BOMB IRAN– KAGAN (:30)

Fred Kagan, fellow neoconservative and architect of what we see today in Iraq, was interviewed on MSNBC to let the world know that the only way we should deal with Iran is to attack it militarily. Anyone still interested in voting for McCain?

OBAMA WINS OVER JOE SIX PACK?

4. OBAMA APPEARS MORE MAINSTREAM - SCARBOROUGH (:30)

MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough hits us with an interesting poll about which candidate better fits mainstream America issues.

HIT AND RUN EV’RYBAHDY!

5. I DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED - NOVAK (1:00)

Robert Novak apparently ran over a pedestrian in D.C. ev’rybahdy!

SHERRI SHEPHERD

6. I DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED - SHEPHERD (:40)

Sherri Shepherd, resident airhead of ABC’s the View, had to apologize on the show yesterday for her strange comments about Barbara Walters’ many abortions. Gotta love that abortion humor!

7. I DON’T KNOW IF WORLD IS FLAT

8. “BLACK PATTI LABELLE”

9. JESUS CAME FIRST